5 years...

July 7th, Zane and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary. There many things I want to articulate about our marriage. How we have grown in our love, understanding and commitment.  But narrowing those thoughts to one post, is daunting. So for now, here are a few thoughts I jotted down in a letter to Zane.

July 7, 2012

Dearest Zane,

This year I opted for a letter instead of my usual Hallmark.  Happy Anniversary!!! I can hardly believe it has been 5 years. In some ways our wedding day seems like yesterday- in other ways like a lifetime ago.

I am so glad- so grateful I married you. You are the calm and steady that I need. In the ways that I am easily stressed or worried, you are stress resistant. Thank goodness. You are patient where I am impatient. You are forgiving when I want to continue the tug of war. You are loyal, when I want to sever the ties. You tolerate with grace my opinions. My strong opinions. You are content in the day to day grind. I am too. Sometimes. And when I'm not, you let me talk options and possibilities. You are open to my new adventures and will let me pull you along. Honey, these are just a few of the ways you balance and complete me.

I admire your commitment and steadfastness in providing for our family. I know we can be  a bit of an expense. I admire your servant's heart as you serve and help me and the kids in so many ways. I admire your eyes to see the best in others- in me. To love and adore me, Jack and Lucy unconditionally. I admire your strong desire to walk with Christ and to lead our family in doing the same.

I think, if someone were to ask me, I would have to say that, "No. Life does not look as I thought it would." It is far better. Not because it is always the life or marriage of ease. There are times it certainly is. But because we- you and I - are committed to whatever it takes to go the distance. To love one another intentionally, wholeheartedly and well. To always return to His truth because it is the one thing that brings life and freedom.

You are a blessing. God's answer and provision to a 1000 (or more) of my prayers. I would choose to say "yes" again today and every day for the rest of my life. So happy 5 years to the love of my life. Here's to many more. After all, we've only just begun.

love always,
S.

                                                                         THEN...

 

NOW...

 

Kids Kamp

For many reasons, we love attending Christ Chapel. The teaching is biblical and applicable. The music leads our hearts to worship. There are resources to encourage us in marriage and parenting. I could list more but perhaps the most vital reason is because of the children's ministry.

Zane and I are clear as to whose responsibility it is to teach our children biblical principles and knowledge. Ours. To model for them seeking Christ and His kingdom above all else. To point them to their need for a Saviour and pray that the Spirit will illumine their hearts. God has blessed us with tools to help us in discipling our Jack and Lucy.

Because the children's ministry is one such blessing, I volunteered to serve during Kids Kamp this year. Kids Kamp is a one-week vbs like camp, open to the community and welcoming kids ages k-6. Preschool age children of volunteers are able to attend a "mini" camp of their own. Jack and Lucy both participated. The preschool theme verse was Psalm 139:14, " I praise you because You made me in an amazing and wonderful way. What you have done is wonderful."  Jack learned songs like "This Little Light of Mine"and "The Wise Man Built His House Upon the Rock." He loved  the puppets -Boomer the panda, LuLu the monkey and Amanda the racoon. And their stories.

The theme of Kids Kamp this year was "Real Heroes" and the scripture was Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." The Gospel message was underscored in every skit, song, game etc.  On the art teams, we assisted campers as they made 2 different crosses; a decorative door hanger cross and a cross key chain.  We used the colors from the wordless book to dialog with campers about the price Jesus paid for our sins that we might be forgiven, free and have an eternal relationship with God.  Campers used the same colors in their projects. Fellowship was sweet. Friendships were made and encouraged as we prayed and served together. 

1100+  kids attended Kids Kamp and 200+ prayed to receive Christ. What a fruitful week! What an awesome privilege to attend a church where the Gospel is shared in dynamic and life changing ways to the "least of these."  Not just once a year but every week.

We can't wait for Kids' Kamp 2013!

Crib acrobatics

At 14 months, Lucy girl has quite the personality.  Adventurous.  Independent. Head strong.  Fearless.  Happy.   Most of the time.  Unless you say "no" or remove a treasured toy such as mom's iphone.

Some of her recent antics include falling forward in the kiddie pool with her face immersed in water with no panic.  Climbing on chairs or Jack's bed.  Shutting herself in the dark pantry.  I have seen her a time or two, hitching her leg up over the crib side rail.  I doubted her strength to hoist herself completely over and out.  Should have known better.  After all, Lucy was crawling before 6 months.  Walking at 12 months.  Insists on spoon feeding herself.  (All seems early compared to Jack's timetable).  6:30 yesterday morning we heard her crying.  Sobbing really.  Zane went in to check and she had managed to get over the railing and tumbled to the floor.  Poor baby.  Thank goodness God made babies bodies resilient. I know because Jack face planted from the high chair onto the wood floor when he was about 6 months old.  We lowered the crib one last time  This is likely the first of many accidents for our "I can do it" girl.

                                                                                                                                                  

Jack's long road trip

Since Zane is working in Morgantown, West Virginia, we decided that Jack and I would spend some extended time with him in Morgantown. Zane's schedule is currently 3 weeks on and 1 week off, so the plan was to meet him in the Outer Banks, North Carolina for his week off in June. We were going to vacation there and then travel back to Morgantown for 3 weeks here. My parents graciously agreed to drive/carpool with us to the Outer Banks so that I did not have to travel alone with my small child. We left Fort Worth on June 19th... the beginning of Jack's long road trip.

As a new and naive mom, I hoped that my little man would be quite the road warrior. After only a few hours on the road, Jack let me know in no uncertain terms that he had no interest in being a road warrior. My mom, a.k.a. Grammy, moved from the front seat to the back seat to see if her company might help his crying perspective. It did... momentarily. Over the course of those 3 long travel days Jack found his voice. Jack does not like to sit in his car seat. Jack does not like to sleep in his car seat. Jack does not like to play in his car seat. No amount of cajoling or music or pacifiers helped. Jack was happy however, when Grammy pulled him out of his car seat for little "burp" breaks as we were driving down the interstate. Jack is one lucky boy that Grammy is a push over and cannot say no. "No" was one of her favorite words when I was growing up. Had Grammy not been in the car with us, I would have taken the advice from one of my friends to "just turn the radio up louder." That and turned around and gone home.

Limitation and Multiplication

I know. It has been months since I've blogged. I have had the best of intentions but I guess I've been a little preoccupied. Since October, we moved into a new house. I retired from my job of 8 years to be a stay at home mom. We have a new 3 month old baby. Oh, and Zane has taken a new job in West Virginia since his status at his job in Fort Worth changed to "inactive." Yes, I live as a single mom 3 out of 4 weeks. So in theory, I should blog about some or all of these events. Or at least brag on my darling baby boy.

But here is what I've been thinking on the last day or so. "There is no question that marriage (parenting) limits how much we can do but it multiplies what we can become." - Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage. Parentheses mine. I've only read a portion of Gary's book. It's on the nightstand... in the guest room.

Hmmm. I am definitely limited in the ability to always do what I want when I want to. I am limited in spending money that of course grows on the tree in my backyard. I can easily come up with a list of other limitations since I have responsiblities as a wife and mom. But the GLORIOUS side of the limitation is the multiplication of what we/I can become. There are opportunities and classrooms daily for my heart to expand in godly character, loving and serving others. Maybe the key is to embrace the limitations. Not for the sake of being limited. But for the greater multiplication of Christ' life in me, in my marriage and in my family. I suspect that is one facet of the freedom for which Christ has set me free.

Now to finish that book.

Birthdays... and Milestones

Yesterday I celebrated my 35th birthday. Typically, I am a huge birthday person. I love to celebrate birthdays... and I love my birthday to be celebrated. Week long celebrations are just fine with me. For some reason, I had low expectations for my birthday this year. It just seemed insignificant in light of everything else going on in our lives; building a house, having a baby (Jack is due Feb 24, 2009), and my retirement after the first of the year to be a stay at home mom. Then there is just the busyness of every day life.

Much to my surprise and delight, my birthday has turned out to be wonderful in spite of my expectations. The celebration started last Saturday as I lunched with my friend Andrea at the Cafe at the Modern. Andrea is the friend of a lifetime. We have lived many days together including BIRTHDAYS, (she is one week older than I am) crazy single days, working days, married days and now pregnant days. Then on Wednesday my boss and his wife took me out for birthday lunch to Brio, an Italian restaurant in Southlake. Together they champion my life and the choices Zane and I are making for our family. Wednesday also started the steady stream of birthday wishes and birthday cards. Yesterday was marked by phone calls, text messages, facebook messages and more birthday cards from sweet family and friends. Zane honored me with his words of affirmation and love in birthday card that made me cry and a special birthday dinner at Lanny's Alta Cocina Mexicana. Not to mention the beautiful flowers he sent to me on the Thursday and the gift of an IPOD which is a fun new toy. This morning I enjoyed "birthday" coffee with some of my dear friends. Last night over dessert, Zane asked me which has been the favorite birthday of my adult years. What a hard question to answer. So many birthdays... and equally as many "favorites." Indulge me for a few as I walk down memory lane...

On my 25th birthday, Andrea and Kristi planned an outdoor picnic at Andrea's house in Aledo. Everyone invited was to bring a "sack" dinner and one food item to trade. We played all the games that we played at birthday parties when we were kids i.e. pin the tail on the donkey. Many of my church friends attended the celebration. Kristi made and decorated a delicious homemade carrot cake, my all time favorite.

On my 27th birthday, Andrea and Kelly took me to eat at Macaroni Grill because I was craving tiramisu. For whatever reason this birthday seemed particularly hard and I was rather blue because I "felt" forgotten. Andrea and Kell were determined to celebrate in spite of my tears. That night, after small group at Christy's, there was a surprise birthday party with a few more friends. I felt rather foolish for having been blue earlier that day. I was not forgotten after all.

On my 30th birthday, several of my girlfriends planned a girl's only dinner at Michael's followed by a party at Andrea and Jamie's with 30 or so of my "closest" co-ed friends and family. I again remember delicious carrot cake, black forest cake and coffee punch. I also remember that my friend Robert gifted me with several books that I had loaned to him in pink Barbie paper. Oh and a Starbucks gift card. Funny and happy memory. I also remember this birthday as being the one in which all the office girls wore pink to celebrate me.

On my 33rd birthday, I had just started dating Zane. I was in Odessa the weekend before my birthday meeting his parents for the first time. They were so gracious and made me feel right at home. Louise gave me a candle embellished with crosses that is in our house today. Zane surprised me with the gift of a Coach purse (my first ever) and some tools for "writers" to encourage me to pursue my dream of writing.

Which brings me to this year. As I have reflected on 35 years and the milestones of each birthday, I am reminded above all of God's love and faithfulness to me through the family and friends He has placed in my life. There are too many memories and blessings to recount in a short blog.

So which has been my favorite birthday? Every last one of them. Every day, every year that I am privileged to walk with God and live life with friends and family is my favorite. As the Psalmist said, "My cup overflows... Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

My heart is learning...

I've had quite the stream of poignant thoughts and or moments over the last couple of weeks. As a way of processing and remembering, I thought I would jot a few of them down.

On pregnancy....

I am pregnant with our first child. Just finished with my first trimester (13 weeks) and moving on into my second trimester. I'm GLAD really GLAD to be done with my first. It seems that the first 11 or 12 weeks were marked with bouts of nausea, gagging, losing my lunch (or breakfast and dinner) low energy and pregnancy blues. I was not depressed because I was pregnant. That is a desire fulfilled. However, I am a person who gets sick about two times a year and I usually am on the road to recovery within 2 or 3 days. So days on end of sickness not only took a physical toll but an emotional toll as well. Poor Zane. I cannot tell you how many nights his wife cried herself to sleep. Talk about throwing a pity party. I'm sure crazy hormones didn't help matters at all. In the midst of one of those desperate moments of feeling so bad, God reminded me of some verses from II Corinthians 4. "Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things that are not seen, for the things that are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal." My paraphrased application of these verses is "Pregnant girl, do not lose heart. Though you are sick and tired of being sick and tired and there seems to be no end in sight, within you is growing a little life with an eternal soul. So be grateful and focus on the eternal soul entrusted to you instead of the discomforts of this short 9 month season." What a fresh perspective! It is amazing how God's Word renews our hearts and minds. His Word can be applied in every season of life. As one of my dear friends used to always say, the Word is "spirit and life." I am thankful that God loves us enough to speak to us when we most need it. Always. If only I would always listen.

On faith...

Every month at work, we have a day set aside for a staff chapel and lunch. I always enjoy the time. It is a nice reprieve from the normal (sometimes mundane) work day. The speakers are usually good but this past Wednesday the speaker was exceptional. Lance Crowell is one of my co-workers, who before he surrendered his life to ministry, got his undergraduate and graduate degrees in engineering. He is a brainy act and one of my favorite people to talk to. I love picking his brain! Lance has oversight of several areas of ministry; collegiates, singles and men's ministry. I don't believe that he considers public teaching to be his forte but that was his assignment this week. He spoke expositionally on Hebrews 11 "the Hall of Faith." I was struck by several things. The first is that as a culture, when we talk about hope, hope is often translated wish. i.e. I have hope that tomorrow will be better than today. But for the believer, HOPE is a sure thing. Hope is the confidence and conviction that what we believe(faith) is true. The object of our faith must be God Himself and our faith must center on the greatness of WHO He is. The second thing that struck me was the hallmark of obedient action in the lives of the men and women in this great chapter. They obeyed God, believing Him, even when it meant courageous and counter cultural actions that made no sense. The last thing that really stood out to me was the adventure that that comes from a relationship with God. "By faith Abraham, when he was called, obeyed by going out to a place which he was to receive for an inheritance; and he went out not knowing where he was going. (adventure anyone?) By faith he lived as an alien in the land of promise (the surety of hope) in a foreign land (are you sure God?) dwelling in tents with Isaac and Jacob, fellow heirs of the same promise; FOR HE WAS LOOKING FOR THE CITY WHICH HAS FOUNDATIONS WHOSE ARCHITECT AND BUILDER IS GOD."

On life and death...

I have discovered a new hobby in the last year or so, reading blogs! I love it. Especially the few that I have come across whose authors are wading in the deep waters of life (be it sorrow or joy) and whose lives are marked by abiding faith. One of the blog spots I have been keeping up with is Joseph Peabody, (prayforjoseph.blogspot.com) a little boy diagnosed with brain cancer last November. Just yesterday, Jesus took this sweet little boy to his eternal home. One day after his fourth birthday. My eyes water as I type this because I have loved and prayed for Joseph, his parents and younger sister. It is hard to fathom that a God who loves us so much would allow a vicious enemy known as cancer to touch our lives and those we love. As a distant bystander on Joseph's journey, I see that his little life and faith as well as that of his family have touched countless lives. The object of their faith is God. His mother Gillian wrote this late yesterday, "These verses have been on my heart last night and today: "Behold I am with you always, even unto the end of the age," and John 10:27-29: "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand." This last verse, all I could remember was that "no one can snatch them out of my hand," so I looked it up and found the whole passage so comforting. At a time where my feelings betray me, God's Word is giving us great hope." Beautiful faith, isn't it?


I guess in processing all of these ramblings, I realize that more than anything, I want to have Hebrews 11 faith and obedience. I want to have the faith of Allan and Gillian who in knowing whom they have believed, can entrust their little boy to the arms of Jesus. Life is all about my relationship with a loving, trustworthy and big God. His speaking. His pursuit of my heart. My faith in Him and obedience to Him.

This moment and eternity

Tonight is one of those nights that I think I will reflect on for quite a while. Zane and I, along with our friends Ryan and Jennifer Dean attended "An Evening with Steven Curtis Chapman" at First Baptist Euless. This event was a fundraiser for the Mid-Cities Pregnancy Center. For those of you who do not know, Steven Curtis Chapman and his family suffered the loss of their youngest adopted daughter and sibling, Maria Sue on May 21st.

Steven has only been back on the road in the last 10 days or so. Honestly while I have listened to some of SCC's music over the years and have enjoyed it, I probably would not have picked his concert as one that I must attend. But we had complimentary tickets (VIP at that) and the company of our good friends so we went. I did expect that it would be a rather poignant evening in light of his daughter's death. Poignant is an understatement.

He opened the evening by sharing that on May 21, when Maria Sue went home to be with Jesus, that the song he was about to sing, was barely a scream or cry to the Lord. He then sang "Blessed Be the Name of the Lord" by Matt Redmond. He expressed that he did not think he would ever do another concert without singing at least a portion of that song. Not sure if there was a dry eye in the place. He reflected quite a bit throughout the course of the evening on life, eternity, how much God loves us, the moments we are given, how everything is God's, hope and suffering. He shared how in the face of many unanswered questions and great loss, that he and his family are more sure of the Gospel than ever before. That they have a great hope which is no doubt the anchor for their souls.

I was struck by a couple of things. First of all, this man is the real deal. Not a fake bone in his body. What he believes about God, God's Word and God's love he believes in the core of his soul. He and his family are in the deep waters of loss and grieving and they are finding that what they have said they believed for years, is absolute truth. I think that his why his music ministry has had such longevity. I was also reminded of a message we recently heard by Louie Giglio in which he shared that our suffering is our megaphone to the world. The question for me, for us as believers is "what is going to come out of my/your megaphone?" Will the world hear a message of hope and trust in God who loves us more than we can ever imagine? In this world we will have trouble. Jesus said so. Are you and I walking so closely with God today that when those times come, our response is unlike anything the world has ever seen? We live in a world desperate for hope. I am grateful for people like SCC and his family whom God has entrusted with opportunities to show His light and life. Keep your ears and eyes open. We will hear more from this man and his family as they are upcoming guests on Larry King Live, Good Morning America and will be featured in the August 8 issue of People magazine. The Chapman's message in their megaphone is being heard around the world.

Me, Zane and the Crazy Girl

Last week, Zane and I celebrated our "one year" anniversary. We were married on 7-7-07 - which was of course the DAY to get married last year. We didn't pick the date because it was the DAY. It just happened to be the Saturday closest to the one year anniversary of our first date so 7/7/07 it was. The day was beautiful and memorable. In fact, I would do it all over again were it not for the planning. (very stressful) We had close to 400 guests; the church was full. It was very humbling to see how many people loved us enough to celebrate our day with us. Zane and I said our vows and happily ever after began. We had a wonderful honeymoon in Costa Rica and came home to settle into our every day life.

Then an infamous houseguest showed up whom I affectionately call "the crazy girl." I had never met this girl before but she wanted to be my friend. I soon discovered that my new friend had few manners. She liked to come early and stay long and late. She was overly sensitive. She wanted things her way. She had the gall to think that her way of doing things was the right way to do things. I didn't have too many combative conversations with her but Zane sure did. He must have often where she came from and how in the world did she and I ever became friends. I told him that she wasn't really around until he showed up.

I have learned a few things in dealing with the crazy girl and she hasn't been around as much the last 6 months. I learned that the best way to say no to the crazy girl is to choose to walk in the Spirit. To choose to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. To choose open and honest communication with my husband instead of letting the crazy girl put up the screen of hurt feelings. To remember Zane and I are on the same team. Yes, the the crazy girl feels left out and I must say that Zane and I enjoy our marriage much more when it is just me and Zane. As they say, two's company but three is a crowd.

For my birthday last October, Zane gave me a laptop in hopes that it would encourage me to begin writing, my "grown up girl" dream. So I started, (or rather I should say set up) this "blog" with every intention of blogging. One big hurdle, my perfectionistic tendencies. The result of that tendency, NO POSTED BLOGS. But as I sit here tonight, mindlessly watching yet another rerun of Law and Order and having just celebrated one year of marriage, I've decided that there is no time like the present to get over my "inner editor" and start writing.... aka blogging.


So for starters, I love the reality that life is a journey. A physical journey. A spiritual journey. A journey of beauty. A journey with some mountains and valleys along the way. A journey made up of challenges and hardships. I love knowing that where I am today is not necessarily where I will be tomorrow. Which is really encouraging on the days that I'm bored with the scenery. And on days when I would just like to settle with a cup of coffee and a good book, I know better than to get too comfortable!

I've been participating in a Beth Moore Bible study this summer, Stepping Up. It is a study of the Psalms of Ascent (120-134) a collection of psalms, sung by pilgrims on pilgrimage to Jerusalem. The writers of these and all Psalms were bold in their reflection and expression of their hearts to the Lord and within the community of fellow pilgrims. What an encouragement to those of us doing this thing called life! I love the way Beth closes one day, " We will make it to our destination in one piece. We will indeed 'come to Mt. Zion, to the heavenly Jerusalem, the city of the living God.' (Heb 12:22 NIV). No harm can befall us that will hinder our arrival, nor cloud surround us that will limit our view. Our God is the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He owns the highways of both turfs." Yes, the One who calls us, will bring us safely Home.