Friday, August 22, 2008

My heart is learning...

I've had quite the stream of poignant thoughts and or moments over the last couple of weeks. As a way of processing and remembering, I thought I would jot a few of them down.

On pregnancy....

I am pregnant with our first child. Just finished with my first trimester (13 weeks) and moving on into my second trimester. I'm GLAD really GLAD to be done with my first. It seems that the first 11 or 12 weeks were marked with bouts of nausea, gagging, losing my lunch (or breakfast and dinner) low energy and pregnancy blues. I was not depressed because I was pregnant. That is a desire fulfilled. However, I am a person who gets sick about two times a year and I usually am on the road to recovery within 2 or 3 days. So days on end of sickness not only took a physical toll but an emotional toll as well. Poor Zane. I cannot tell you how many nights his wife cried herself to sleep. Talk about throwing a pity party. I'm sure crazy hormones didn't help matters at all. In the midst of one of those desperate moments of feeling so bad, God reminded me of some verses from II Corinthians 4. "Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things that are not seen, for the things that are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal." My paraphrased application of these verses is "Pregnant girl, do not lose heart. Though you are sick and tired of being sick and tired and there seems to be no end in sight, within you is growing a little life with an eternal soul. So be grateful and focus on the eternal soul entrusted to you instead of the discomforts of this short 9 month season." What a fresh perspective! It is amazing how God's Word renews our hearts and minds. His Word can be applied in every season of life. As one of my dear friends used to always say, the Word is "spirit and life." I am thankful that God loves us enough to speak to us when we most need it. Always. If only I would always listen.

On faith...

Every month at work, we have a day set aside for a staff chapel and lunch. I always enjoy the time. It is a nice reprieve from the normal (sometimes mundane) work day. The speakers are usually good but this past Wednesday the speaker was exceptional. Lance Crowell is one of my co-workers, who before he surrendered his life to ministry, got his undergraduate and graduate degrees in engineering. He is a brainy act and one of my favorite people to talk to. I love picking his brain! Lance has oversight of several areas of ministry; collegiates, singles and men's ministry. I don't believe that he considers public teaching to be his forte but that was his assignment this week. He spoke expositionally on Hebrews 11 "the Hall of Faith." I was struck by several things. The first is that as a culture, when we talk about hope, hope is often translated wish. i.e. I have hope that tomorrow will be better than today. But for the believer, HOPE is a sure thing. Hope is the confidence and conviction that what we believe(faith) is true. The object of our faith must be God Himself and our faith must center on the greatness of WHO He is. The second thing that struck me was the hallmark of obedient action in the lives of the men and women in this great chapter. They obeyed God, believing Him, even when it meant courageous and counter cultural actions that made no sense. The last thing that really stood out to me was the adventure that that comes from a relationship with God. "By faith Abraham, when he was called, obeyed by going out to a place which he was to receive for an inheritance; and he went out not knowing where he was going. (adventure anyone?) By faith he lived as an alien in the land of promise (the surety of hope) in a foreign land (are you sure God?) dwelling in tents with Isaac and Jacob, fellow heirs of the same promise; FOR HE WAS LOOKING FOR THE CITY WHICH HAS FOUNDATIONS WHOSE ARCHITECT AND BUILDER IS GOD."

On life and death...

I have discovered a new hobby in the last year or so, reading blogs! I love it. Especially the few that I have come across whose authors are wading in the deep waters of life (be it sorrow or joy) and whose lives are marked by abiding faith. One of the blog spots I have been keeping up with is Joseph Peabody, (prayforjoseph.blogspot.com) a little boy diagnosed with brain cancer last November. Just yesterday, Jesus took this sweet little boy to his eternal home. One day after his fourth birthday. My eyes water as I type this because I have loved and prayed for Joseph, his parents and younger sister. It is hard to fathom that a God who loves us so much would allow a vicious enemy known as cancer to touch our lives and those we love. As a distant bystander on Joseph's journey, I see that his little life and faith as well as that of his family have touched countless lives. The object of their faith is God. His mother Gillian wrote this late yesterday, "These verses have been on my heart last night and today: "Behold I am with you always, even unto the end of the age," and John 10:27-29: "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand." This last verse, all I could remember was that "no one can snatch them out of my hand," so I looked it up and found the whole passage so comforting. At a time where my feelings betray me, God's Word is giving us great hope." Beautiful faith, isn't it?


I guess in processing all of these ramblings, I realize that more than anything, I want to have Hebrews 11 faith and obedience. I want to have the faith of Allan and Gillian who in knowing whom they have believed, can entrust their little boy to the arms of Jesus. Life is all about my relationship with a loving, trustworthy and big God. His speaking. His pursuit of my heart. My faith in Him and obedience to Him.

1 comment:

Katie said...

Hey Steph!!! I just wanted to tell you that you are such a gifted writer. I love reading your blog!

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